Dear Mom,

Thank you for being there for me these past ten years since I became depressed. And the two years out of that I was suicidal. And the three years I smoked pot three times a week so I wouldn't have to deal with my life. Thanks for caring more about my feelings than what your family thinks about you. Thanks for always blaming my problems on other people so you can blame yours on me. I appreciate it greatly. I know I haven't done the same for you, all those times you blow up and break down for trivial reasons. I guess I didn't learn enough from your example.

I'm sorry your first husband left you. That one was clearly my fault. I'm sorry Dave Soboleski says mean things to you, again totally my fault. I wish your parents weren't such dicks to you when you were growing up. A bit out of my way, but I should have done something to fix that. I'm just negligent. Sorry you feel inadequate compared to your siblings. Obviously, if I was better than any of my thieving, alcoholic, drug dealing, trailer trash cousins things would be much better for you. I'm also truly sorry I didn't die as an infant. We would have both been better off that way.

You're right. I chose to move back in here. Despite all the credit card debt I amassed trying to get away from you, I could have moved into any one of the apartments in the Chesterfield area. They're just so cheap out there these days. I really don't do anything around here. With the private lawn service and fleet of electricians around here to fix all the problems in the house, I don't have to do anything but sit on my ass and watch television and spread rumors on the phone. I don't even go to work anymore, which is obviously why I don't buy the things we desperately need like a shed or grill.

It really sucks that my relatives hang out with other people who are my age because that means they talk about me behind my back all day. That's a given. What else would they be talking about? No one should know anything about me because it's all so horrible. Everything I've ever done it just atrocious.

/sarcasm

The only reason I don't say any of this to your face is because when I hurt people I feel remorse. Given your behavior, I obviously don't get that from you. If you had helped me one fucking time in my life things could be so much better. Instead, you focus on avoiding your problems and making me feel guilty for every little thing anyone has ever done to you. I want to thank you for that. It's thanks to you that I can deflect everyone Else's hatred and negative comments without flinching. And that will probably be the only thing I thank you for.

So I'll go on keeping my feelings to myself even though you would never extend the courtesy to me. I'll let you call me lazy and worthless even though that's clearly a description of you. I won't burst your little distorted reality bubble. All I ask is that you don't drag Jason and me into it. Also, if you would stop starting fights at midnight, that would be great.

Sincerely,

Your lazy, stupid,

ignorant, good for

nothing, gay, loser

of a son, Rich