Don't Let Me Get Me

I put so much work into everything I do, but it seems like I never get a single thing back. I work really hard at my job. I do all my work on time, usually end up doing other stuff that hasn't been done in a year, and take on more hours whenever someone needs me to. But it doesn't matter how hard I work or how many hours I have because no matter how big my check is at the end of the week I'm always paying for things I bought last month. I can't just stop buying the things I need, either (though I could stop buying all the things I want and can justify spending the money on).

I feel like a failure because I can't afford all the things I need. Not small stuff like deodorant or sunscreen, but big stuff. A car, a desk (I broke down and bought one), a computer, etc. The only way I ever have anything is if someone (usually Jason) gives it to me or lets me borrow it. Now that I look around, I realized I bought literally 3 things in my room (2 of them being $10 books).

I try to be creative and just sit down and write every day, but after coming home from work, trying to please everyone, not getting nearly enough sleep, worrying all the time, and always trying to be someone else, I'm completely burned out. I can barely write a blog post once a week, let alone anything requiring any effort. I guess I'm just kind of sick of seeing all my dreams fail, one at a time. Maybe I set my goals too high or don't work hard enough or something?