Roots

Now I remember why I blog. Whenever I'm under a lot of stress I always feel better after writing about it, even when no one comments or people react negatively. And I've been under a lot of stress lately.

I got a ticket for going 84 on the expressway the other day, which greatly annoyed me for a number of reasons. I had worked late that night and stupidly agreed to come in early the next day to work the truck, so I was trying to get home in time to get five hours of sleep before I had to get up again. Normally I would have taken Gratiot to 26 and avoided I-94 altogether, but there was a lot of traffic that night and I couldn't make a left turn. Also, two people passed me in the three miles I was on the expressway.

Not thinking much of it, I updated my Facebook status and went to sleep. A number of people recommended that I fight the ticket, which I know I should. Recently I've been having minor panic attacks in normal social situations (seeing friends, helping customers, talking to the cashier at the gas station). Even more recently, since I decided to fight the ticket I've been having a major panic attack every morning and night. I can't sleep and I don't have good days at work. I think I have social anxiety disorder and should go to the clinic or something, but I can't go on being completely miserable every day for a month, so I'll just going to pay the fine, take the points, and be angry at myself for a few months.

I've already gone to one of the 4 weddings I'm invited to this month. It was a family wedding and it didn't go particularly well, but my parents and I didn't stay long. Sean and Rose's wedding is Sunday, and I'm looking forward to it. I helped Jason pick out a sportcoat and I still need to pick up a pair of black slacks. I do wish I had gotten them a little more as a gift though. Steph's wedding is coming up at the end of the month, which I'm also looking forward to, but I'm nervous about being in the wedding party because that's something I've definitely never done before and I don't know Mike's family or friends at all. I'm really excited about their Halloween themed reception and I already have costumes in mind for Jason and myself. I'm making them both myself, which will be cheap but shouldn't look it.

My mom made cards for both of the weddings, which was really nice of her. They're very nice and I really appreciated it. I'm only worried that she's going to say something about me going to these weddings with Jason. I know how she is and I know I shouldn't let her ruin my day, but sometimes she still does. I feel awkward having Jason come here to pick me up in his suit, but feel horrible about asking him to meet me somewhere else.

After that comes Christmas, which I don't even want to think about yet.