I've been having a very hard time explaining to Jason why I'm not happy. I sometimes have a hard time understanding it myself. How do I explain to people with completely different sets of values why I don't find my life fulfilling? I don't want a shallow and prestigious job where I make all the money I could ever want to buy all the superficial things I don't need. I just want my life to have at least some sort of meaning and maybe for someone to take me seriously once in a while. That's it.
I've performed the same actions at work every day for almost five years. Cleaning and maintenance tasks, catching fish for customers, an occasional repair or installation of something. None of these tasks have been useful on a fundamental level. Habitats and work areas continue to get dirty, machines continue to break down at their usual rate, products and services sell as they normally would. Overall, I've accomplished nothing aside from saving the company a little money by doing the job of multiple people.
I'm going to school for a degree in something that isn't going to be particularly productive. Video games are now generally considered to be a mainstream form of entertainment and their production is likely to greatly outpace movies in the future, but at the end of the day they're just that: entertainment. If I do land a nice job working on video games nothing is going to change. I'm still going to feel as useless as I do now. It's not going to help anyone. No one is going to benefit from my work. If I didn't work on whatever projects I will undertake in the future, someone else would do just as good a job as me.
I don't really do anything else. I don't voluenteer to help anyone or belong to any kind of orginizations. I can't afford to build buy the materials to build anything worth building. I barely talk to the people I see every day and those who I consider close. I'm tied to a job that doesn't make me happy in a physical location that I can't stand so I can't travel more than a few hours away to see what's out there. I don't have any real creative talent to make any sort of art. I can't even find it in myself to blog more than a few times a year anymore.
I need to do something, I just don't know what.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments
(
Atom
)
Blog Archive
-
2010
(
32
)
- December ( 1 )
- November ( 3 )
- October ( 3 )
- September ( 1 )
- August ( 4 )
- July ( 2 )
- June ( 1 )
- May ( 1 )
- April ( 2 )
- March ( 3 )
- February ( 4 )
- January ( 7 )
-
2009
(
17
)
- December ( 1 )
- September ( 1 )
- August ( 2 )
- June ( 1 )
- May ( 1 )
- April ( 2 )
- March ( 2 )
- February ( 2 )
- January ( 5 )
-
2008
(
48
)
- December ( 3 )
- November ( 5 )
- October ( 2 )
- September ( 2 )
- August ( 3 )
- July ( 4 )
- June ( 4 )
- May ( 6 )
- April ( 3 )
- March ( 5 )
- February ( 6 )
- January ( 5 )
I know what you mean about wanting to find a fulfilling job that has some kind of meaning and makes a difference to others. It's not like I *want* to hop to another office job. I just don't have any of the necessary skills to get anything else.
ReplyDeleteYou say video games don't help others. But, if developers are creative enough, they do make a difference... The Wii was innovative in that it encouraged many people to get off the couch and engage in more physical activity. I'm sure SimCity has made many people want to go into city planning. And also, Little Big Planet is helping to raise a new generation of game developers, since it's not just a platformer, but game development tool. You just have to think outside the box.
I hope the New Year brings us both what we want!