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So I did some yardwork today, which I enjoy doing. The problem is that when I do stuff like that without listening to music I tend to think a lot, which isn't always good. I started remembering some of the things my mom has said to me in the past about the way I am. I'm not going to repeat it because it's already been said here and I don't really want to repeat it.

Jason comes home tomorrow and I know my mom is going to start shit over it. At this point I'm actually terrified to tell her because I don't want her to ruin Jason's return. But at the same time, I can't just not tell her because he's going to come over either tomorrow or the day after and then she'll be pissed off that I didn't tell her he was coming home soon. I don't want her to make me feel guilty for Jason coming over to be with me, but it's really inevitable. Even if she doesn't say anything, she'll still give us dirty looks and listen at the door all night.

[ADDITION: I told her and she ruined it. She asked the nature of our relationship and I felt compelled to lie. After I told her we are just friends, she said she was proud of me. I almost cried right there, and I did after I left. Now I'm ashamed for having to hide something that's not even wrong. I feel like I have to hide Jason because some stupid pricks think it's not right. I promised him a half hour hug, and I have to take it back because I'm too much of a pansy to admit my love for him. Thank you, you fucking ignorant bitch!]

I guess I just need to try harder to get out of here. Jason and I are going to visit his friend Sarah, and I know the topic of moving in with her is going to come back up now that she supposedly broke it off with her 35 year old, broke ass boyfriend. But even if she did reinstate the offer, I can't go there just to be thrown out when some other boyfriend comes along. But that's assuming she even offers again, which she's not likely too.

My friend Steph is also looking into buying a house down toward the Macomb area. Even if she doesn't end up getting the house she set her sights on, I'm sure she'll be happy with it. She invited me to move with her because she knows I really need to get out of here and we get along really well. The problem is that I don't have a job and until I find one (which shouldn't take that long in such a populated area) I'd feel horrible because I'd be mooching. And what if it did take a long time to find a job? I'd feel so out of place that I wouldn't know what to do. She also invited Jason to come and share a room with me, which was awesome, but her other friend Danielle is kind of a blabblermouth and I don't really want everyone to know just yet. But if I was living that far away from my parents and other family, it would matter a lot less.

On a high note, yesterday was Jason's last day working with the Criminal Intent crew and things are looking good. John Roman, the head honcho (or something) told Jason to send him any scripts he's working on and to keep in touch. The head of every department he worked in loved him, which I knew they would, and one of them even told Jason they'd hire him back in a heart beat if he's ever back in New York. This is all great! But I still have the feeling that if I do go into filmmaking, my career will be based off of Jason's success and I don't want that. But that's something I just have to get past.