Seether - Fake It

Does anyone else feel like this all the time?

What do I do in my Spare Time?

Publish juvenile jokes on the Internet.


For those who have never played Final Fantasy VII, this is a character named Tifa. She works in a bar and likes to help orphans in her spare time. She eventually helps her childhood crush save the world (no this one) while fighting dangerous enemies with her killer martial arts skills. Actually, she kind of sucks at fighting, but there's a point in the story where she replaces the main character so you really have to build her up from the start. But I digress; the point in her rack.



Okay, what is wrong with people? I make one little cleavage joke and everyone thinks I'm a brilliant. I got 8 comments within 5 minutes of posting this on my DeviantArt profile (after which I had no more views). I posted it as a bulletin on Myspace and people thought it was the most clever joke ever. I know it's out of control because Joe even submitted it to a Digg.

It's not clever! It's just cleavage!

The Damn Candle

That's what I ended up getting my mom for her birthday. It's a candle that smells like pumpkin pie, then pecan pie, and then cranberry cobbler. I think it smells kind of like ass, but my mom's into this sort of thing. The good news is that it only cost $5. The bad news is that my mom insisted I pick up some 3M Command Strips for my other $5.

Delayed Effect

I think I have a problem with spending money appropriately. It all started two months ago when I got $100 for house sitting. I usually spend the entire amount on repaying my student loan - half right away and the other half the following week. But at that time I thought I deserved to spend a little something on myself, so I cashed $50 and spent the other $50 on my loan. I really didn't think it would be that big of a deal, but it was.

I was going to buy a wireless Dance Dance Revolution pad I saw at Movie Gallery for $15, since I broke mine. Instead I ended up buying dinner for Jason and myself at Wonton Palace in town. That only cost $12, but discouraged me from springing for the dance pad. Immediately after leaving dinner, I made Jason drive to the new coffee shop on Water Street for a cappuccino. I probably would have enjoyed it if I could have tasted it; I had a severe cold at the time and the cream didn't make things any better. That probably cost $6.

After that, every time Jason came over I would have him drive us to Marathon to get some coffee. I figured it would last a while because it's only $2.28 for the sizes Jason and I get. Then to finish the money off I vaguely recall buying around $8 worth of cookies at Save-a-Lot. The funny thing is that every time I would offer to buy Jason something he'd remind me that I should save my money for something I need. Of course I'd insist that I wanted to spend something on myself (and Jason) and that it was only $50.

November rolls around and my parents are short on cash. That wouldn't be a problem if I had stashed that money away the month before. But I figured I'd get little amounts of money from my parents and it would add up. The problem with that is that every time I'd get a little sum of money I'd go spend it on coffee and sweets. Once again, Jason constantly reminded me to save the money for something I needed. Looking back, I probably should have listened.

A few days ago my dad gave me $20 in case I needed anything. Since it was too late to get enough for my student loan bill, I figured I'd let it lapse a month (like that's some sort of solution or something) and get a haircut and new razor blades. I got the haircut the next day, but I the rest of the plan didn't go too well. I was feeling depressed the other day and had Jason drive us to Marathon. Jason did what he does, but I ignored him like always. Between then and the time we got there Jason was also feeling bad, so I bought a bag of his favorite chips (I like them too, but they're $3.69) along with the two coffees.

The razor blades I buy are $10 after a $2 off coupon. I had just enough to get them after the haircut. But getting out of the house and getting something to drink was obviously more important. Yesterday I took my aunt around and on the way home I stopped ad the Dry Dock. Since I couldn't afford the blades at that point, I was originally only going to get a 2 liter of Dr. Pepper. but my little cousin was with us, so I figured I'd get her something too. I ended up getting a $4 bag of popcorn, a juice, a 2 liter, and 4 mini Slim Jims for my aunt. I spent every last penny, and then some.

Now it's December. My mom's birthday is tomorrow, and I can't afford to buy her anything. I can't even go to the Dollar Store for some candles or something. I know she's going to be mad and/or hurt, but there's nothing I can do now because I foolishly spent all my money. With my now $100 student loan bill creeping up, I can't even afford to buy anything for Christmas. I don't even know if I'll be able to make the minimum payment. If I would have just stuck that money in my bank account, I wouldn't be in this mess and I could at least pretend to be happy about December.

So, in essence, a stupid decision I made in October allowed me to ruin Christmas again.

My Ideas

This is the blog template I came up with. Nothing terribly original, but I think I can fit all the important stuff on a shorter page. The template includes:



My Flickr badge included in the page header, freeing up some space and adding a feel of sleekness.

CSS powered drop down menus, eliminating the need for a links/friends/archive column and streamlining the navigation area of the page (unfortunately, this will only work on Firefox and Internet Explorer 7...IE6 is trash).

A narrow, more pleasing central data column, properly separated from the background.

A restylized LibraryThing bar.

A concise single post design with navigation arrows.

My Last.fm widget in the footer, allowing the viewer the option of viewing it after reading the post.

Space for a single extra widget in the footer (alternatively I could make my Last.fm widget horizontal).


Input would be nice here.

Another New Pal

This little crab spider bit me last night and it itches so much I could cut my arm off. We have that crappy first aid itch spray and all, but nothing works for spider and insect bites.

But he runs sideways like a crab, so that totally makes up for it. I don't see them that often (only twice since we moved in here), but when I do I instantly become interested in them. I don't like spiders or anything, but these ones are just really cool. Not only do they run sideways, but when they get intimidated they stand on their hindmost legs and wave their front legs in the air. Unfortunately I couldn't get a photo of this because he wouldn't hold still long enough.

Youtube Today

This is a video Jason made for youtube. I just thought I'd share.

It's coming Along

Before I go to bed, I'm announcing my plans so I don't forget.

The main table needs to be 8 pixels wider, so the images will fit inside the border. Thusly, the right sidebar needs to be 8 pixels more narrow. I may remove one photo from my flickr badge or add another row to it. I'm bringing back the Flashy Last.fm quilt. I need to tune the color scheme a little. The top right and both bottom corners of the rounded table need to be tweaked.

What do you guys think? Any suggestions, problems, or requests?

A New Home?

I know I should be working on my template right now, but something truly more important came up. Heather called me last night on Stephanie's behalf and told me they're thinking of renting an apartment soon.



That's the complex. Gym, tennis courts, pools, spa, plenty of parking. It's only half a mile from the expressway and closer than that to some fine fast food establishments. I definitely think I could live there.

So I've been looking at employment options that I could easily get to without having a car for a while (which I can't afford for a while because I still have my student loan bill). Once the apartment is secured I'm going to mass apply so I can get a head start instead of worrying about it the whole time I'm there. Thanks Google Earth for being so damn useful.

And, of course, posting this picture screwed up my tables or div containers or something.

Still Working on the Design

I now have a clear idea of what I want my blog to look like. I just have to write the code and work out whatever bugs come along.

Now for some feedback: who would be in favor of a pop-up window for the comment page?

Holiday Depression has Begun

Jason's graduation is coming up on the 15th of December. My luck being the way it is, my cousin is getting married at the same time on the same day. I couldn't care less about my cousin. I don't like her and she doesn't like me. But still I have to go "because we're family." This cousin didn't even show up at my graduation party when I needed someone else my age to go, seeing as none of m friends showed up. She's never been there for me, but I'm expected to be there for her despite my previous engagement..

A high school grad party may seem pretty insignificant in comparison with a wedding, but you have to consider the fact that it's not inconceivable that I'll never even have a wedding. Sure, Jason and I want to get married, but with the way this country is going right now, I don't know if we'll ever be able to. And even if we can one day get married, the people who are supposed to care about me and be there (my family) aren't the kind of people who would show up to a gay wedding. So why should I pretend to care now when I'm just going to lose in the long run?

Going to Jason's graduation is so more important to me than a meaningless ceremony. I'm going to miss the only chance to see Jason graduate with his Bachelor's in Communications to watch my cousin get married for the first time. The way this family is, I'm sure it's not going to be the last time. I'm letting Jason down to be lectured about how nice weddings are and how I should get married [to a woman] one day. That's so depressing that still being here for Thanksgiving is starting to look like a minor issue.

I'm missing out on my fucking life to be there for my family who I know would turn around and stab me in the back at the drop of a hat.

Updating

I know I deleted everyone from my friends list. I'll put you all back, I swear. Just hold tight while I play around with my template, okay?




I have a dilema here. I could either add a bunch of pretty Flash apps and have my blog run more slowly than normal, or add HTML apps which aren't as pretty, but tremendously faster. Any thoughts?

Unmotivated Aspirations

I've been kind of avoiding blogging for the past few days because I've felt really shitty and I don't want to talk about it. The important think is that I'm okay and I feel better now since I've been hanging out with my friends a lot. I've been able to get one the Internet and talk to people a bit recently. That always makes me feel like I actually belong somewhere. That's especially nice where I come from.

I've been thinking of redesigning my blog and making it a little more colorful (in the literal sense). I'd like to move all my links to a new left sidebar, changing my last.fm to the CD Cover Quilt, getting a better photo, and a flixster app for the right sidebar. I'd still need to keep the content column 500 pixels wide to accommodate the photos I uploaded for archive's sale. That means my blog has to get wider, which will keep people from viewing it properly at low resolutions, but I don't think I mind it that much. I'm thinking of going with a burnt orange color too. What do you guys think?

I also want to get working on a film. I don't have anything particular in mind. Just anything. I think this time I can do better. The problem is that I still can't seem to get my thoughts onto paper. I guess the first thing I could do is start filming the Little Shop of Horrors series and see where that takes me. I have a few other characters I thought of in the past that I'd like to incorporate too. I just don't have the motivation to do it.

That's all I can really think of to talk about right now that wouldn't bore people to death. Have a great day everyone.

No Internet + No Computer = :(

Hey Everybody,
This is Jason posting at Rich's request. As you know, he's been without the internet for a few months. Well, now his laptop decided to take a poop, as well. So, he hasn't been able to write any new blog posts. He's not abandoning it or anything, just can't update at the moment without a computer.

Oh, and Rich, I love you so very much. Just thought you should know. <3

I Came Up with a Perfectly Emo Blog Title, but Jason Ate It

How do you tell someone you're supposed to look up to (because of silly human social constructs) you don't want to be around them because they're judgmental when they haven't done anything explicitly judgmental, but you know they would if they knew something about you?

My Aunt Julie (who I used to be kind of close to) started calling me recently and I really don't want to get close to her. She's a Christian and I know how she feels about people like me. I know I don't have to tell her and I could just keep it my little secret, but I'm really tired of pretending to live the way people want me to. I feel like I need to shut and lock the door just to give Jason a hug, and it's really not fair to Jason and me.

I'm not asking people to agree with me or watch. I'm simply asking people to not be such assholes about something that's none of their business. If I want to sit next to Jason in my own room, in my own house, I should be able to. It's not like I'm going out assaulting people, sleeping with my cousin's wives, or picking up dirty old hookers like some other members of my family. And no one says a word about them. Why? Because that's much more normal behavior than putting my arm around Jason.

How do I explain the way I feel to my mom when she takes anything I say on the subject as a confession of guilt? If I say I don't want to be around my aunt because she's judgmental my mom will say it's because I'm obviously doing something wrong. If I don't give her a reason at all she'll say I'm just being an asshole. If I just ignore them, I'm afraid I'll hurt my aunt's feelings. I don't know what to do.

I really don't spend enough time with my friends anymore. I don't suppose I ever really did in the first place. I saw Brian the other day and if it hadn't been for his used squad car I don't think I would have recognized him. I don't want to get old and look back on my life and realize I never did anything worth doing and I never really had any friends. I don't know what to do either here though, because I was never really good at making or keeping friends and I never know what to do around people.

Christmas is Coming

Adding to the financial problems I've been having recently, the car I've been using broke down. I was stopped at Range and Yankee, the light turned green, and the car just wouldn't go. The engine didn't actually die, but I tried to restart it anyway, and it just died. Apparently it had been out of oil and coolant for months and none of the previous owners bothered to put any in. But ultimately, it was the timing belt the caused the problem and will cost $300 to fix on top of the $65 we and to come up with the tow it a whopping 5 miles. We had just put gas in the car, less than 2 miles away too, so now we have to keep filling up my mom's guzzler.

I've been feeling pretty lousy for the last week because I feel kind of overwhelmed. That makes me feel selfish because Jason feels the same way, only for more legitimate reasons. I feel bad because I don't have time to hang out with my friends when they're available and he feels bad because he has a great amount of work to do in a short period of time (among otehr things). I'm always miserable and I take it out on other people.

I've also been thinking a lot about how to outdo last year's Christmas and in a perfect world it would go a little something like this:

A relatively inexpensive home theater system for my parents. I've seen some in Best Buy for about $150 that look decent, but I'd have to do some research on that.

A refurbished iPod Nano (about $100 - a possible student discount) for my mom's stocking.

A handful of computer games for my dad's stocking (assuming he's going to start using the computer again.

A [THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] and a [CENSORED] for Jason.

A new, novel cookbook for my mom's birthday. (I was thinking of buying her her own printer, but I'd have to do more research on the low end Epsons)

A Tracphone (with a year prepay card) for my Aunt.

Then I'd like to buy some things for a few of my friends, but I haven't gotten that far yet. This is assuming I don't spend any money on myself until Christmas. I'd also like to get my dad a notebook computer, but that will have to wait until next year.

On another note, is anyone up for Black Friday?

Shoutout

Look everyone! Jason has a new blog and it's prettier than mine! Go visit it, but don't stay there too long because I really need the attention here. It makes me feel special.

Today We Dine in Space

http://www.snapdrive.net/files/447843/Oath.pdf

Just a little something I did a while ago when I was bored and felt like doing something constructive. Feel free to sign and return a copy to me. Or not. I'm just bored again.

Also: Anyone happen to have a spare cassette adapter?

"Why is your dad in the hospital?"

Complete renal (kidney) failure.

Funny story: It all started when my dad had his second heart attack a few months ago. He survived it and was put on 8 (eight) separate medications. Since then he's been unable to hold down a lot of foods. We kind of knew it was the medication, so we tried to accommodate the situation by cooking bland, spiceless foods. That worked for a while until Thursday night when my dad was so sick he had to be rushed to the hospital.

He wasn't doing all that bad when he went in, but that soon changed. After waiting in the ER for three (3) hours he was finally looked at and diagnosed with renal failure. What's worse was that his blood pressure was dangerously low. He was then put into ICU and transfered to St. John's in Detroit where he was put in ICCU (the second C is for cardiac).

There they discovered that he had a partial aneurysm in his heart. The artery didn't burst, but ballooned out a little, so it didn't kill him. But there was nothing they could do about his heart until they did something about the renal failure, and things didn't look good. So they took him off his eight medications and within 2 hours his kidneys were functioning properly again and he was awake and eating a turkey sandwich.

I visited him the next day and he complained about his lunch being late. He was obviously doing a lot better because I watched him eat (and keep down) the entire lunch and dinner that was brought to him. He was no longer tired, weak, or sickly. They even let him come home today (Sunday). Now all we have to do is keep his blood pressure as low as we can (which is abnormally low in most cases) so that nothing more happens to his heart.

I read that many medications can cause renal failure, which was the cause of the high blood pressure, which was the cause of the aneurism, which almost killed him (along with blood poisoning from the kidney failure). The moral of the story: someone at St. John's River District Hospital in East China, Michigan really fucked up. Anyone fancy a lawsuit?

I Call This One 'Bleh'

I really hate it when it's too hot to sleep and I have to get up in the morning. On the positive side it gives me some time to finish up Final Fantasy XII (after 100+ hours) and listen to 10+ hours of TWiT podcasts that Jason downloaded for me. But on the negative side I'm going to have to wash my sheets again. I've had some time to think about how to fit exercise and relaxation into my day. But I'll be too tired in the morning to actually do it. I get to brush my teeth one extra time per night. But that's only because I have really raunchy breath at night. Bleh.

I hate desktop publishing. My printer is aging and refuses to accurately take the paper, leading to misaligned pages and fraudulent paper jams. It's also hard to tell what something will look like when it's actually printed. I think I prefer digital images that will forever remain on a monitor (unless someone else feels the need to print it, in which case it's their problem). I want to make another poster, but have no inspiration. Bleh.

I like foods with extreme flavors. Swiss cheese, onions, and beer mustard frequently accompany my hamburger patties. On the rare occasion that we have a lemon or two in the house I'll eat them like most people would eat an orange. I like my coffee strong, black, and lukewarm. Whole mild peppers are delicious. I also can't get enough ice cream despite my intolerance to lactose. The foods I won't eat (people call me picky): mushrooms and cooked carrots. Bleh.

I'm addicted to video games. My fire sorceress is level 85, my gang controls 100% of the greater Los Santos area, and my city's streets are bustling. I'm also addicted to music. 121 hours and 8.5 Gigs sit on my local drive. Few genres are unaccounted for in my library (of music, that is). I'm addicted to music based games too. Completing Amplitude on Brutal Mode was no sweat and I do enjoy flailing my arms as I play Dance Dance Revolution in the middle of my bedroom floor. I can't dance. Bleh.

Storytelling is one of my favorite activities. It helps me entertain people, which is another passion of mine. Too bad I'm shy. That's why I like writing. But filmmaking is kind of a drag with the formatting and the filming and whatnot. I've thought of being a stand up comedian, but then there are the jokes and the standing up. I'd rather be an old-fashioned, storytelling bard. With a computer. And the Internet. Bleh.

People don't understand me. It's my fault, really. First for being so weird in a way that no one else can claim to be, and second for not making my words and actions crystal clear. Everyone takes everything literally, yet I post vague references and quotes without explaining myself. If I was more like everyone else people would get me. But then I'd be more like everyone else and I wouldn't get myself. Bleh.