Alone in my Room with a Sweatshirt

I don't suppose I had a horrible birthday this year. My mom gave me a Jesus money clip and a game the I wanted. She also bought some dishes that we are eating off from now on and claimed that they're somehow mine. My dad gave me the copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy I had watched the night before. My aunt gave me a box of junk food that I'm too depressed to eat. We had Jet's Pizza. My mom took me to the bank to open a savings account using money that I now can't pay bills with. She then drug me to Kimball Township and attempted to make me drive home illegally, getting mad and throwing a tantrum when I wouldn't. The only memorable thing about this birthday is the feeling that Jason's gift gave me, and that's starting to get drown out by anger.

I'm angry at myself for letting my mom treat me the way she does. There's no need for it. For some reason I keep remembering the day she stormed in here and yelled at me for being gay. That was the same day she told me she's my only ally. It made me feel so bad, but I didn't say anything to her. I didn't tell her to shut up, I didn't ask her to be accountable for her actions, and I definitely didn't set her straight. Of course, it came back to the most distorted and misquoted book ever written.

But still, people tell me I should believe in god. The same god that made me the way I am, and made a million people who's only purpose is to condemn me in his name. The same god that made this lousy planet with this lousy race of people. The same god who could make the universe in 8 days, but couldn't make a simple book, leaving that up to stupid people who probably made half of the shit up anyway. A book where we can completely ignore some lines, calling them obsolete, while maintaining that the following line is still a sin, regardless of it appearing anywhere else in that stupid book. Yeah, I'll believe in that.

I didn't get to spend Valentine's with Jason, and I didn't even get to call him because my cousin was here (yet another thing I took shit for). I knew it would be a long four months while Jason is in New York, but I wasn't prepared for this. Today I realized how much I need Jason. I need him to be here to hold me and tell me everything is alright (although he does a pretty good job over the phone). After my mom pulled her usual shit today, I curled up on my bed with the sweatshirt he left for me. It doesn't really smell like him anymore because I used to sleep with it, but it's still comforting.

When Jason gets home, he's going to get more hugs and kisses from me than he'll know what to do with.

EDIT: The stupid bitch just barged into my room and got mad because I don't want her to talk to me. She completely denies what she did to me in the car and claims that I was mad because I didn't want to go fix Donna's computer. (I don't think I explained what happened today. Damn) Nevermind.