Crisis on Degurse: Day Two

I guess what I'm really scared of is ending up alone and never accomplishing anything. There are so many things I want to do with my life, but I can feel time just kind of passing and I'm sitting here on the Internet all day waiting for something to happen. I'm terrified to get out there and actually start making films because if I put a lot of work into it and then I fail (which is moderately likely), then I can't get back all that time and effort. And if I just give up on it and concentrate on computer science then I'll always wonder what could have been. For some reason it's a lose-lose situation in my mind. I don't know if I can do both or just be in computers on the side. Or maybe I should just be a filmmaker as a hobby. I'm so confused.

I guess ultimately I have to make the decision regardless of what other people think. But I kind of feel like I'm going to let someone down no matter what. If I don't go into computer then I'm letting down all the people who try to reassure me of how smart I am all the time, and If I don't become a filmmaker Ill be letting down...myself. And the people who have been supportive of me. I don't know what to do and it kills me. That's why I haven't put much effort into anything recently. I don't want to get locked into yet another bad decision. But I inevitably will.

Or at least that's how I feel. In case you couldn't tell, I have a fear of commitment (but ironically, not when it comes to relationships). I tried starting a blog aimed toward new Ubuntu users, but it never got off the ground because I couldn't figure out a way to devote enough time to it so I gave up. That's one of my biggest problems. I give up far too easily.

Tomorrow I want to go make a short skit or something. I have a few things in mind and all I have to do is call some friends and set it up. Somebody please remind me.