If I was Jack Thompson

These are a few of the retarded things that would come out of my mouth if I was Jack Thompson. In case you didn't know, Jack Thompson is an ambulance chasing lawyer from sunny Miami who is so Hellbent against video games (he believes they cause people to be violent) that he says some pretty stupid stuff, without doing any research first. For a list look here. Let the list begin:




Easy Bake Ovens cause young girls to become homemakers, rather than valuable members of society.

Still cameras cause children to develop voyeurism fetishes.

Computers cause children to become super hackers, who will inevitably destroy everything we know.

Automobiles train kids to perform hit and runs, and in severe cases, drive-by shootings.

Audio equipment gives kids unfounded hope that they can one day become a musician.

Money turns our youth into cash crazed criminals.

No one hits anyone in the head with a wrench unless they're a hitman or a mechanic.

Baby dolls are a pedophile's paradise.

"Better Homes and Gardens" contains beds, hot tubs, kitchen tables, shag carpeting, gardens, and loveseats, all of which can be used in sexual situations, and thus should be banished to the darkest corner of 'adult entertainment' stores.

Using shampoo is an escapist activity and you’re being exploited by these companies. It's not healthy.

Mattel has led the planet in the distribution of mainstream porn.

Do you need an IQ below room temp to watch TV and talk about it?

Halloween makeup kits are nothing more than prostitution simulators.

BMW is not a word, as it is in serious need of a vowel movement.

Carpet gives our kids unrealistic expectations for their feet.

God is not pleased with Lays Potato Chips right now.