Monday, January 21, 2013
To Recap the Previous Post
I don't want to be a drone, working 40 hour weeks, putting money into a 401(k) and having good health insurance, waiting until I'm too old to do anything meaningful so I can retire. I really don't. I want to do something. To make a difference somewhere. When I die I want to have a little blue plaque on my door telling people I lived there. I don't want to be stuck in this boring, mundane life.
Sunday, January 06, 2013
The New Year
I've been having a very hard time explaining to Jason why I'm not happy. I sometimes have a hard time understanding it myself. How do I explain to people with completely different sets of values why I don't find my life fulfilling? I don't want a shallow and prestigious job where I make all the money I could ever want to buy all the superficial things I don't need. I just want my life to have at least some sort of meaning and maybe for someone to take me seriously once in a while. That's it.
I've performed the same actions at work every day for almost five years. Cleaning and maintenance tasks, catching fish for customers, an occasional repair or installation of something. None of these tasks have been useful on a fundamental level. Habitats and work areas continue to get dirty, machines continue to break down at their usual rate, products and services sell as they normally would. Overall, I've accomplished nothing aside from saving the company a little money by doing the job of multiple people.
I'm going to school for a degree in something that isn't going to be particularly productive. Video games are now generally considered to be a mainstream form of entertainment and their production is likely to greatly outpace movies in the future, but at the end of the day they're just that: entertainment. If I do land a nice job working on video games nothing is going to change. I'm still going to feel as useless as I do now. It's not going to help anyone. No one is going to benefit from my work. If I didn't work on whatever projects I will undertake in the future, someone else would do just as good a job as me.
I don't really do anything else. I don't voluenteer to help anyone or belong to any kind of orginizations. I can't afford to build buy the materials to build anything worth building. I barely talk to the people I see every day and those who I consider close. I'm tied to a job that doesn't make me happy in a physical location that I can't stand so I can't travel more than a few hours away to see what's out there. I don't have any real creative talent to make any sort of art. I can't even find it in myself to blog more than a few times a year anymore.
I need to do something, I just don't know what.
I've performed the same actions at work every day for almost five years. Cleaning and maintenance tasks, catching fish for customers, an occasional repair or installation of something. None of these tasks have been useful on a fundamental level. Habitats and work areas continue to get dirty, machines continue to break down at their usual rate, products and services sell as they normally would. Overall, I've accomplished nothing aside from saving the company a little money by doing the job of multiple people.
I'm going to school for a degree in something that isn't going to be particularly productive. Video games are now generally considered to be a mainstream form of entertainment and their production is likely to greatly outpace movies in the future, but at the end of the day they're just that: entertainment. If I do land a nice job working on video games nothing is going to change. I'm still going to feel as useless as I do now. It's not going to help anyone. No one is going to benefit from my work. If I didn't work on whatever projects I will undertake in the future, someone else would do just as good a job as me.
I don't really do anything else. I don't voluenteer to help anyone or belong to any kind of orginizations. I can't afford to build buy the materials to build anything worth building. I barely talk to the people I see every day and those who I consider close. I'm tied to a job that doesn't make me happy in a physical location that I can't stand so I can't travel more than a few hours away to see what's out there. I don't have any real creative talent to make any sort of art. I can't even find it in myself to blog more than a few times a year anymore.
I need to do something, I just don't know what.
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