Thursday, February 28, 2008

I Hate My Blog

I never realized what a boring life I have until I promised to start blogging more regularly. I'm lucky if something noteworthy happens once a week, let alone every day. I spend most of my time sitting around the house doing nothing until I have to go to bed early to go to work early to get home early to do nothing all day. It's really annoying. That's all I have to say. Sorry I don't have anything more interesting to say.

Monday, February 25, 2008

Mid Morning Huddle

I'm going to start blogging more. The only reason I don't is because I sit around all day playing the Sims and surfing the Internet. I've been able to get relatively creative using the Sims though, so I guess if that's what makes me more productive, it's not really that big of a waste of time. I've been creating a series of houses (none of which are done) for Steph and her finance (in the game) to choose from. It's not really necessary, but it gave me something to do and I'm really satisfied with how they're turning out so far.

I worked with Johnathan again today. He had me cleaning the bird habitat today, which took forever because it was my first time doing it and I couldn't remember where anything went. Also, in the middle of doing dishes the Emma called everyone up for a mid-morning huddle. Amy went over last week's sales and passed out a sheet for us to record how many people we push dog training seminars on, which is kind of difficult considering I'm almost always in the back room. I honestly didn't see a single customer today until I had already punched out.

I guess that's all I had to say. I'm just in a good mood this morning. Maybe it's left over from the great weekend.

Sunday, February 24, 2008

Every Avenue

I had a really shitty day at work on Friday. I was having an off day to begin with, I kept making small mistakes, and of course, my manager was there breathing down my neck. First, I forgot to put the stupid vitamin drops in the parakeets' water. Apparently I took too long picking the live crickets out from the dead ones, because Johnathan cam over to tell me to hurry, and what do I do? The second he turns around I drop the crickets (mostly dead now) loudly on the floor. After that I dropped the bin of cricket food, and even though it didn't spill much and no one was around I still felt like an ass.

Then came the hard part. On Fridays we count the fish by SKU (so we have to differentiate between the fish) while they're swimming in the tanks. Some are easy because we only have two or three. The rest are almost impossible to get an accurate count. A lot of our fish come from the same genus, so they look very similar with the exception of one or two markings; hard to count. Some fish are all one color (i.e. black) with no markings at all so I can't tell which ones I already counted; hard to count. Some fish (I'm looking at the guppies) swim around so fast that I can't even guess how many are in the tank. Add my inability to count the stupid fucking fish to my completely inability to concentrate on anything recently.

Then there was the stupid hand activated paper towel holder that some idiot mounted half way over the sink. Every time anyone washes dishes it spits the towels out directly into the sink and it's really annoying, so everyone just stuffs the paper towel back into the machine. But, of course, I'm the only who gets in trouble for it. Johnathan patronizingly told me not to do it and then came back out later and told me not to do it again, because apparently Julie did it too. That was really fucking annoying because all my life I've taken the blame for everything everyone else does and I'm really fucking sick of it.

I'm really starting to hate my manager. He's gone mad with power. While I was there he printed 4 sheets of things we're not supposed to do and made us initial it, threatening to write people up for this and that. I know that when the store isn't functioning right, it reflects on him, but he doesn't have to take everything so personally. Everything I mentioned so far happened between the hours of 5 and 11 Friday morning.

After work Steph, Heather, and I went to get autographs of a local band called Every Avenue. We lined up and I was number 9, but the staff gave us numbers and had us move to watch the band perform. The crowd was incredibly unenthusiastic even though the performance was great. When we lined back up for autographs, a bunch of 13 year old girls pushed in front of us despite the number system. I ended up taking off the shirt Heather bought me for my birthday in the store to get it signed, even though Josh is the only member who signed it (again, because of the 13 year old girls), but that's fine.



The next day we went to see them play at the Crofoot Ballroom in Pontiac. It was easy enough to get there, pretty much a straight shot down Hall Road. We got there an hour early and had to stand around in the cold, so Steph and I went across the street to get some coffee and hot chocolate (which came up to be $13.73 for 4 smalls). We huddled there for the rest of the time and watched the bands unload their stuff.

Four other bands played before Every Avenue, and they were all pretty good. I completely forgot the name of the first band, but the second band was was called Brandenberg and I really liked them. The lead vocalist and the guitarist (I think he was the guitarist) were twin brothers. Steph bought their CD and we listened to it for a while in the car. The third performer was a funny girl with a really great voice and a band called Charlotte Sometimes. The fourth band was mediocre and played some techno.









The rest of the show was great and I had a really good time. I'm really glad I went.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

How Did the Pig Tracks Get on the Ceiling?

"I hope I don't work in the fish department. I don't have a choice. I have to do what they tell me. I hate the fucking fish. They're so boring and dull and I don't want to work with them."

Tuesday was the first time I finished all my work on time. It went something like this:
Give the birds water, take the old dishes away. Give the birds food, take the old dishes away. Give the small pets (rodents) water, take the old bottles away. Give the small pets food, take the old dishes away. Catch crickets, feed them to the reptiles. Mist the reptiles. Give the reptiles water, take away the old dishes. Cut up veggies and oranges for the turtle, Mali, birds, and all small pets, but the chinchillas. Wash the dishes. It's a lot more fun than it sounds.

Today I did basically the same thing, but I was scheduled for two extra hours, so I had to work with the fish a little. We get new fish on Thursdays, so we have to catalog, acclimatize, and put them in their tanks. That's never fun. I really do hate working with the fish. They're boring, dull, and always cling to the bags.

I'm thinking of buying a rex rat. Rats are way cooler than other rodents because they're larger, smarter, and a lot less skittish. You can actually sit down and let them sit on your shoulder while you're watching TV without worrying about them getting lost or something. The only problem is that right now I can't really afford one. The rats themselves only cost $10, but the cage I would choose is $100. Food is only $5 and dishes are about $5 each, and I'd need to buy the little guy some fruit, but that wouldn't really cost that much monthly. It's just the cage and toys I can't really afford. I guess I'll just have to wait.

I had a good birthday. My parents came over and brought me a bunch of food and The Simpsons Movie. We watched it and they left. Jason came over and we hang out until he left earlier this afternoon. He got me a nice framed picture of us. Steph picked up a DDR mat for me, which is awesome because I really needed it so I can play again, which I did quite a bit today (mostly after Jason left) and now I'm pretty sore. Heather drove me to work and ordered me an Every Avenue shirt, which is also cool. I'm also pretty strung out on chocolate covered coffee beans that my mom picked up, which is nice because I haven't been able to drink much coffee recently due to my crappy schedule, but I have the next 3 days off.

That's all I've been up to.

Oh, and I need some more hot chocolate.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Hay is for Horses

While I was cleaning out my filing cabinet today I came across a bunch of paperwork from Baker College. It made me realize just how big of a loser I really am. I was doing so good and was less than a year from graduating. I was on the President's list 3 times and was cordially invited to a luncheon at the Fogcutter, which for some selfish reason or another I chose not to attend. I tested out of almost half the classes I needed to take because I actually knew what I was doing. I could have actually And I really fucked that up.

Sometimes I really feel like my life amounts to nothing. I sit around the house all day just to go to bed early so I can get up early to work 4 hours to come home and sit around until I have to go to bed again. I don't think I can afford to go back to college because I don't know if I'll be able to get a loan (federal or otherwise) or the Pell Grant. But if I don't go to college soon I never will and I'll be stuck in a dead end job forever. Some people end up like that, and even though I don't wnat to, I'll probably be one of them.

I'm not saying I don't enjoy my job. I do. I'm just having an off day. I think.

Sunday, February 03, 2008

I'll Be Happy Here to Cheer You Up

I think it's about time I got mental help. Let's review the things that are wrong:

I have the hardest time concentrating on my training books. It's not just that I find it boring, because I don't. When I sit in the conference room I can hear all the animals and people on the sales floor and the lousy music they pipe throughout the store. When I'm walking through the aisles, trying to find products, I can't read on label and move on to the next without my mind wandering. I can barely sit down to write a blog post without getting distracted and taking an hour. Where I'm from we call that ADD.

I have the most horrendously rapid mood swings. I'll wake up in the morning either ecstatic or depressed and can't keep a constant mood throughout the day. I'll go from one extreme to the other with no warning and I don't know why. That could be bi-polar disorder, or it could just be me trying to convince myself I'm not depressed.

And I am depressed. Everyone assumed it would end when I moved out of my mom's house, but it hasn't. If anything, I'm more depressed than ever. I try to do things that make me happy; playing games, writing, creating, but nothing helps. I haven't been able to write anything in a while and the only thing I actually made was a new template for my blog. It doesn't help that I'm sensitive to other peoples' emotions and the people around me are almost always in a bad mood.

I'm terrified to be around people. Any time I have to do anything with someone other than my 3 best friends, I get extremely anxious and can barely function. If I were to go out with Mike and Joe I would be nervous. If I went to a small get together I wouldn't know what to do with myself. Now that I work at PetSmart my anxiety gets in the way of my work. I can't even ask my manager a question because I find him intimidating. He's my age and we have similar interests, but he likes to make conversation, and for some reason I can't do that very well. Social anxiety disorder?

I'm tired all the time, even when I get 8+ hours of sleep. There's nothing quite as annoying as waking up at 1 PM feeling more tired than when you went to sleep. This is probably nothing more than caffeine addiction, though.

I know a trip to the doctor could very well clear up all my issues. The problem is that I can't afford consultation and medication without insurance, and I can't afford insurance working part time. If I get insurance I'd be able to get help for my problems and I'd feel so much better, but I wouldn't be able to pay my bills. If I skip the insurance I'll be able to pay bills, but I'll be miserable until I get more hours, find free help, or get a better job. The same applies to car insurance. If I get a car I'll be happier getting up later (I need to get up at 4:30 to be to work at 6), but the cost of insurance is so high I won't be able to pay other bills.

There's one more thing that bothers me. As a blogger I'm incredibly vulnerable. Most of the time I don't know what I can and can't say without stepping on anyone's toes. That's probably why I've slowed way down on my blogging. I don't want to hurt anyone so I hold everything in. Is that bad?