Monday, October 29, 2007

No Internet + No Computer = :(

Hey Everybody,
This is Jason posting at Rich's request. As you know, he's been without the internet for a few months. Well, now his laptop decided to take a poop, as well. So, he hasn't been able to write any new blog posts. He's not abandoning it or anything, just can't update at the moment without a computer.

Oh, and Rich, I love you so very much. Just thought you should know. <3

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

I Came Up with a Perfectly Emo Blog Title, but Jason Ate It

How do you tell someone you're supposed to look up to (because of silly human social constructs) you don't want to be around them because they're judgmental when they haven't done anything explicitly judgmental, but you know they would if they knew something about you?

My Aunt Julie (who I used to be kind of close to) started calling me recently and I really don't want to get close to her. She's a Christian and I know how she feels about people like me. I know I don't have to tell her and I could just keep it my little secret, but I'm really tired of pretending to live the way people want me to. I feel like I need to shut and lock the door just to give Jason a hug, and it's really not fair to Jason and me.

I'm not asking people to agree with me or watch. I'm simply asking people to not be such assholes about something that's none of their business. If I want to sit next to Jason in my own room, in my own house, I should be able to. It's not like I'm going out assaulting people, sleeping with my cousin's wives, or picking up dirty old hookers like some other members of my family. And no one says a word about them. Why? Because that's much more normal behavior than putting my arm around Jason.

How do I explain the way I feel to my mom when she takes anything I say on the subject as a confession of guilt? If I say I don't want to be around my aunt because she's judgmental my mom will say it's because I'm obviously doing something wrong. If I don't give her a reason at all she'll say I'm just being an asshole. If I just ignore them, I'm afraid I'll hurt my aunt's feelings. I don't know what to do.

I really don't spend enough time with my friends anymore. I don't suppose I ever really did in the first place. I saw Brian the other day and if it hadn't been for his used squad car I don't think I would have recognized him. I don't want to get old and look back on my life and realize I never did anything worth doing and I never really had any friends. I don't know what to do either here though, because I was never really good at making or keeping friends and I never know what to do around people.

Saturday, October 06, 2007

Christmas is Coming

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Adding to the financial problems I've been having recently, the car I've been using broke down. I was stopped at Range and Yankee, the light turned green, and the car just wouldn't go. The engine didn't actually die, but I tried to restart it anyway, and it just died. Apparently it had been out of oil and coolant for months and none of the previous owners bothered to put any in. But ultimately, it was the timing belt the caused the problem and will cost $300 to fix on top of the $65 we and to come up with the tow it a whopping 5 miles. We had just put gas in the car, less than 2 miles away too, so now we have to keep filling up my mom's guzzler.

I've been feeling pretty lousy for the last week because I feel kind of overwhelmed. That makes me feel selfish because Jason feels the same way, only for more legitimate reasons. I feel bad because I don't have time to hang out with my friends when they're available and he feels bad because he has a great amount of work to do in a short period of time (among otehr things). I'm always miserable and I take it out on other people.

I've also been thinking a lot about how to outdo last year's Christmas and in a perfect world it would go a little something like this:

A relatively inexpensive home theater system for my parents. I've seen some in Best Buy for about $150 that look decent, but I'd have to do some research on that.

A refurbished iPod Nano (about $100 - a possible student discount) for my mom's stocking.

A handful of computer games for my dad's stocking (assuming he's going to start using the computer again.

A [THIS SPACE INTENTIONALLY LEFT BLANK] and a [CENSORED] for Jason.

A new, novel cookbook for my mom's birthday. (I was thinking of buying her her own printer, but I'd have to do more research on the low end Epsons)

A Tracphone (with a year prepay card) for my Aunt.

Then I'd like to buy some things for a few of my friends, but I haven't gotten that far yet. This is assuming I don't spend any money on myself until Christmas. I'd also like to get my dad a notebook computer, but that will have to wait until next year.

On another note, is anyone up for Black Friday?

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Shoutout

Look everyone! Jason has a new blog and it's prettier than mine! Go visit it, but don't stay there too long because I really need the attention here. It makes me feel special.