Sunday, May 29, 2011

I Can't do This Anymore

I am so frustrated with my life I can't even conceive the words to describe one hundredth of what I feel. I don't have any of the things I need to succeed as a person. I was suffocating in this room, in this remote corner of the house when I started my blog five years ago and I'm still sitting here in the same room in the same remote corner of the house today.

I need a place to call my own. Somewhere I can be at peace and do the things I need to do. Instead, I'm stuck living in the house of people who are practically strangers to me. I can't sit down at my desk without constantly being badgered or worrying someone is going to walk in and criticize whatever I happen to be doing. But I have no money to get out.

I need a decent, predictable paycheck every week. Something I can rely on and budget around. Instead, I get between fifteen and forty hours. The boss doesn't think I'm excited enough about my job to promote me to full time, and it's next to impossible to get excited about a job when you hate your boss. But if I get a second job, the assistant boss is going to cut my hours further.

I need a way to spend time with the people I want to have in my life. I can't spend any quality time with Jason because these people are always around and never leave their house. I don't have any friends in my city who I haven't repeatedly alienated. The friends I do have live mostly out past my work, which would be fine if I didn't already spend $250 a month on fuel.

1 comment :

  1. If you ever need to get out you can come over here even if were not here. Its a small apt so its not like you can be by your self if Rilei,Mike and I are here but you can call me anytime and you can hang out here. In fact, I think if you would like to play the 360 with Mike he will be thrilled seeing he dont have a lot of people to play games with him. Just facebook me idk if you have my new number. I am serious too, I go to my moms often so if you want to be by your self for a few hours and Im going to my moms you can forsure spend some time here. <3

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