I Fucking Hate Thursdays

Every Thursday my mom drags me to Port Huron with her.It's nice for the first few minutes, but it all goes downhill from there. She always asks why I don't have a girlfriend and suggests I date this girl or that one. She never does it in quite a nice way either.

She always says something along the lines of "You're not gay or anything are you?" It's really starting to piss me off because I feel like I have to jump through hoops to please the bitch. Today she asked me why I named the kittens the way I did and then she asked me "Why don't you like girls' names?" When I refused to show her my fortune cookie she said "What, does it say you're going to marry a pretty boy?" It really makes me want to die sometimes.

I swear she does it just to hurt me. It's pretty obvious that I'm gay. I'm not flamboyant or anything, I just show absolutely no interest in girls. I dated a girl once, but it never went anywhere. I don't talk about girls, I never have any girls over, I never look at straight porn on the Internet, and once she even caught me with gay porn. I denied it of course because I was a lot younger. I really thinks she suspects something and she's just fucking with me.

I don't take this shit from my friends, and I'm not going to take it from her. If one of my friends would have made the comment about marrying a pretty boy, I would have knocked him the fuck out. At least if he was being mean. I would laugh if it was a joke. But the point is that why should I listen to her go on and on about something that I can't control? Like I chose it? Like I just decided one day that I want everyone in the world to hate me and be the scapegoat for bombings and diseases that I'm not part of. That's what I want out of life!


EDIT: I forgot to mention that yesterday I felt completely comfortable with myself for the first time in my life and was even contemplating coming out to some of my friends. I don't want to lose them but I can't go on lying to people like this. I've been talking to some people about it and I decided it might not be such a terrible idea. But now I hate myself again. Thanks mom.


But on an upbeat note, I'm finally finished writing that damn script. All the revisions are in, they've been merged, and it's been distributed. I was getting so sick of it, and now it's done. But here comes the hard part: scheduling and location scouting!