Defragment, Disable Indexing, and Partition

I worked on the movie a little today. I'm having a tough time finding a transition between 2 parts of this scene. Marie and Stephanie get up from the couch and sit at the kitchen table. I have footage of them going to sit down, but I just don't like it. It takes too long and it's just an unpleasant angle. I don't want to just cut away to the conversation at the table either. I'm in kind of a bind, but it's okay because I'm closer to being finished now than I ever was.

I've also come up with a new project. I was looking for a Windows XP performance tweak checklist, to pass along to a friend, but I couldn't find one. There was a ton of information available, but it was all over the place and I needed something nice and compact. So I figured I'm as qualified as anyone to write such a guide because I religiously tweak my Windows installations. I could even cover Windows 9x for those who need it.

The only problem with that is Vista. The next installment of the Windows operating system is coming out in less than six months and people are going to be forced to upgrade rather quickly for security reasons (and to net the corporation some cash, of course). I don't know how long I'll stick to writing a guide that will be obsolete in less than a year. It would give me a pretty good sense of accomplishment though. And that's something I've really been needing recently.

It could be my foot in the door to publishing computer books. I've always wanted to do something like it, but I've never quite considered myself an expert, until now. I just realized today that I really enjoy helping people with computers, even though I have very little patience. Writing computer help books aimed at unexperienced users may be something I could really get into. Or I could just run a site with the same purpose. Or I could do both. I'm still deciding.

Four Fun Filled Days

I haven't updated my blog in a while and apparently that makes people think I'm in a bad mood. Or maybe it's the things I've said in previous posts. Either way I thought I'd share a little bit of my life with everyone. Here it goes:

Friday: I woke up and surfed the web for a few hours. I wanted to hang out with Stephanie before she went back home so I called her, but there was no answer. I surfed the web some more and contacted some people through myspace about the possibility of being in a few upcoming films. Stephanie called back while shopping for a dress and agreed to have Jason and I hang out with her. I surfed the web some more and read about a suicide of a guy I one (kind of) knew and it hit a little too close to home. A few hours of my mom being a twat later Steph came to pick me up and we went to buy some stuff. It took a while. At the party we tried to play a few games and I ate half a burnt pizza. I had a beer and a fruity Smirnoff thing that according to Jason I downed in less than 5 minutes. It tasted like Faygo Grape Soda,damn girly drinks. Jason and I came home early and watched a few episodes of Third Rock.

Saturday: I woke up tired and slightly nauseous. I looked around my house, but couldn't find anyone so I called my dad at work. I surfed the web for a few hours and when my uncle, who was staying with us, came home I helped him carry stuff to his truck for my mom. Then I worked on my Daria fanfilm and went to bed (in an actual bed that my uncle gave me - I hate beds).

Sunday: Even though it was yesterday, I don't know what I did. But Jason came over and we went to get some dessert at Bigboy and the waitress thought it was weird that all I had was a cookie, but that's all I really wanted because I had already had ice cream and I just ate 2 hot dogs. When we came home watched this crappy movie called "Thank You For Smoking." We got bored halfway through and watched some more Third Rock.

Monday: That's today. I talked to Amanda for a little bit. Um, my aunt is here so I hung out with her. I've been listening to music and surfing the web all day. Later I plan to write a short that can be easily filmed when Jason comes over tomorrow (tentatively), play Liberty City Stories (terrific game), and surf the web.

There you have it. An entire four days of my life. I've also been doing Sudoku puzzles here and there, as well as reading a few books. I'm addicted to GTA and the Internet. Oh, and Ubuntu of course. I hope you all enjoyed this post. Later.

Oh, in other news, Jason (semi)publicly declared his undying love for me. It was sweet, but it made me feel funny. But not in a bad way.

Blog Functions Cannot be Guaranteed

I'm going to upgrade the SD card in my digital camera. 208 MB (spread across 3 cards) just isn't enough to capture enough pictures at the highest resolution. Sure, if I use a smaller size I can take more than 100 pictures, but I paid for 4 mega-pixels and that's what I want to shoot. The problem is that I don't know how large of a card my camera will support. The book says this:

This camera has been tested with memory cards up to 2 GB. All memory card functions cannot be guaranteed.

What the fuck does that mean? Will the card work or not? Ugh, it's so frustrating. I contacted Canon tech support a few hours ago with the hopes that they can answer my question. I just hope they don't think I'm stupid or anything.

Oh, I just checked my inbox and Canon got back to me an hour ago. I'd say a response time of 4 hours and 2 minutes is pretty damn good. It turns out that the 2 GB card will work with my camera, as long as it adheres to the strict SD standards (I assume it will...) and is formatted in FAT16 (which I already learned). I'm pretty excited because SD cards on newegg are pretty cheap. I can get a 1 GB card for as little as $22 (including shipping) or a 2 GB for as little as $34. I'd go for a 4 GB, but they start at $85 and that's a little bit over my budget.

MMM, Donuts.

So my mom called me fat today. For any of you who have ever seen her, you'll be laughing with me here. The story is as follows: I had no clean clothes and I had to go to the store, so I put on my old pair of khakis. I walk out of the bathroom and say, "these are pretty tight." Immediately my mom says, "It's because you're putting on weight and are inactive. You should really watch your starches."

Now, I'll be the first one to admit that I'm not as thin as I was when I bought those khakis, but I'm by no means fat. I have a little bit of a gut, but that's all. And I'm not inactive. I walk for at least an hour every day just to get out of the house and listen to some music or podcasts. Yesterday I walked out to the park about 2.5 miles north of my house and I took the long way back. (I walked on the shoulder of M-29) I was gone for damn near 3 hours. But I'm extremely inactive.

I'll also admit that I spend more time in front of a computer than anything else. That's what I do. I'm not staring at the TV for hours on end, watching some ignorant show, like my mom does. I'm actually learning things, thanks mostly to wikipedia, and I'm reading and writing. Sure, I watch a few hours of Youtube a day and play the Sims 2 a lot, but I really do need to be entertained once in a while. Besides, in the Sims I'm usually being creative and building a house or something.

The whole event reminded me of an episode of the Simpsons I watched on Youtube last night. Cherry and Terry told Lisa she had a big ass and Homere confirmed it by telling her about how all Simpsons have large asses. He had the best intentions, but Lisa developed an image problem. I felt bad for her because she's really not that fat. She and Bart just have some baby fat left. That's all.

In case you couldn't tell, I'm in a much better mood today. So far at least. My mom's been kind of bitchy all day because my cousin is coming over tomorrow and she wants her to think we have a clean house or something. It's really weird. Anyway, I get to go to a bonfire tomorrow night at Steph's house. I'm pretty excited about that because I really like being around the fire. It's kind of relaxing. And I get to just hang out with some people. That's always good too.

Again With The Mood Swings

So my mom started taking cheap shots at me again. She'll do the same things: telling me to stay away from people like that, telling me how horrible it is, suggesting I date every female friend I have, even the little comments too. But it's different now. Even thought I thought she was trying to be mean before, there was always a part of me that thought maybe she didn't mean anything by it. But now the mask of innocence is gone and it really hurts.

How can someone who claims to care about me be so cruel all the time? It's not like I have anyone else I can turn to (except Jason, but that's different). I've been treated this way for as long as I can remember, but I didn't really notice because I thought it was normal. Sometimes I feel so unwanted and so unloved that I go to bed early just so I can crawl under the covers and cry without being disturbed.

I lay in bed for an hour in the morning trying desperately to go back to sleep because I just don't want to wake up. The only time I actually look forward to anything is when Jason is coming over because he makes me feel like I have the right to live. Nothing else really matters to me, not even filmmaking, because I'm always told it's a waste of time. It's hard to stay excited about something for very long when there's someone just trying to bring you down.

I really should take Sarah up on her offer and move out. But I can't. My mom is going through rough times and her best friend and her sister just moved away. She just lost her job too. If I just leave, she'll think I'm running out on her because that's just the way she is. No matter how important something is to me, she has to make it about herself. I don't know what to do. I really do need to get a job and leave, but I'm scared. It's just another opportunity I'm going to let pass me by.

The story of my life, I guess. I just don't feel like I'm going anywhere, and I don't feel like I can go anywhere. It's kind of shitty.

P.S. I might still work on the Ubuntu blog. I don't know. If I move out I'm not going to have access to the Internet or even a computer capable of running Ubuntu, so it looks like another dead end.

Snakes On A Motherfuckin' Plane!

I've been thinking a lot about some of the things I'd like to do. First off: a new blog. Not to replace this one, but a blog about something completely different. I've decided to make a guide for people who are interested in trying out Ubuntu Linux because I started using Ubuntu not too long back (I'm still technically a n00b), and I really think I could help people.

I also want to write a book. It's one of the forms of media I haven't really dabbled in yet, and I think it's time. At first I was thinking of writing something computer related, maybe a supplement to the other Ubuntu blog. Then I decided against it for a few reasons: 1) Computer related books have a high rate of piracy, naturally due to the Internet. 2) The computer section at bookstores is flooded with well known authors such as Leo Laporte and the O'Riely publishers. 3) I have no expertise in any fields, and therefore no one would have any reason to take me seriously.

I've already been working slowly on both my Daria fanfilm and the film I have in post. They're both coming along so slowly because I'm out of creativity. I don't know how it happened, but I just can't come up with anything. It's really annoying. I'm pretty sure I've typed those exact sentences here too. See, I can't even make a blog post interesting. That could be because most of the drama is gone though.

I also want to make a series of parodies of "Snakes on a Plane" because the whole premise is just ridiculous. I want to start with "Snakes on a Plain" and slowly move up toward "A Few Good Snakes" and, "The Snake and Mrs. Jones." For anyone not giggling, note that "The Devil and Mrs. Jones" is a pornographic film that my mom mentions occasionally. Apparently she saw it in a theater in Alabama when she was in her 20's or something. How Disturbing.

Oh, and I'm considering moving in with a friend in Port Huron. It would be a great opportunity to finally get a job, and she'd cover rent until I got one, but I don't know. For some reason I feel guilty for wanting to leave. My mom's sister and best friend just moved across the country and it's all I hear about. I would just feel bad because she might need something and there would be no one here to help. And I don't know if I'm ready to just move in with someone I hardly know in a somewhat foreign city and not have anyone around to fall back on.

But on the other hand I really could use a job. I have it all planned out. The day I move in, I hit the mall. Target, Spencer's, FYE, Dunham's, Hot Topic, Old Navy, the game store (I forgot the name), Walden's books, none of those places would pay that much, but it would be right in the mall and it's right by where'd I be living and I know it'd be cool in the summer and warm in the winter. Then there are all the places outside the mall: Barnes & Noble, Home Depot, Best Buy *vomit*, Staples (with Joe of all people), Toys R Us, Meijer, Wal-Mart, and dozens of smaller shops and fast food places. All of these places would be less than a mile away if I took her up on her offer.

I don't know what to do and Jason won't give me any advice. I don't really want any anyway, so that actually worked out pretty well.

EDIT: If anyone wants to check out the basic design for the Ubuntu blog check it out here. Basically it's just some links, but I also took out the About Me section so no one can casually track it to this blog. That wouldn't be good because I'm going to post the URL of the other blog on my myspace profile. If anyone has any other ideas, let me know.

A Fairly Dull Post

I've been busy working on a few little projects that aren't going anywhere. So I won't say any more about them. I've also been playing the Sims 2 a little bit. Just trying to make a sim rich enough to move into the house I built without cheating. It made me feel bad because I sent my sim to college and he graduated and got a job and lived happily ever after. Why can't life be that simple?

I'm also angry that I'm not allowed to tell anyone that Jason and I are friends because obviously that means we're gay. I hate her and her white trash family so much. I can't wait to get out of this lousy state and move somewhere I don't have to hold my head down in shame. Not shame of who I am or who I'm with, but shame of where I'm from. I hate to say this, but I'm actually ashamed of my entire family. If I can't change who they are I can at least move across the country.

Other than that nothing is going on.

Last.fm Ate My Baby!

NERD WARNING: This post is somewhat nerdy, but I tried to spare you from the technical details. Read at your own risk!

I've been playing around with Ubuntu today and I realized that I like AmaroK so much more than any of the Winamp style players. AmaroK is kind of like iTunes, only a Hell of a lot cooler. It interfaces seamlessly with Wikipedia to get artist information and it pulls down lyrics from some place or another. It also works with last.fm, but I'll get to that later. AmaroK has some other really nice features too, but I don't want to bore you too much.

I don't know if anyone else uses last.fm, but it seems like a really cool idea. It's a social site that tracks the music you listen to and can match you up with other people and that kind of thing. I'm confused on a lot of the details though, because the FAQ is really vague. If someone could explain it to me in some detail, that would be great. Of course, I could always just figure it out by playing around with it more. If anyone wants to add me, here's my profile. I'll add a link to my sidebar too if I get around to it.

I was going to stargaze this summer. Jason was going to join me one day, but neither of us ever got around to it. Actually, I completely forgot about it until I installed KDE today. Immediately afterwards I installed KStars so I could download some starmaps to my PDA like I did before. That reminded me that I need to find a good ActiveSync alternative so I don't have to constantly reboot into Windows. And then I need to get my Geforce card working better. Sigh, that'll just have to wait until another day.

In other news, I get to spend some quality time with Jason tomorrow. I'm excited. He just started school today and he's bummed out about it. I hope he had a good day because he really hates driving all that way. I'm sure something good must have happened today though.

Will You Be My Quinn?

I got my camera back today and it works again. I've been waiting 3 weeks to get it back and now that it's here I have nothing to film. I just hit a huge block.I was going to do this project and that project, but now I just don't feel like it. And I don't have anything to say to anyone who would listen. I do, however, have a more than a few things to say to people who I can't get across to. It's such a pity.

I've been thinking of doing a word of the day/week type of thing. I'd talk about words like: asshole, bigot, conservative, that sort of thing. I don't really want to rant even though people do tend to like that sort of thing. I was also thinking of making a series called How NOT to Raise Children. Guess what I'd discuss. Then of course I do have a few parodies in mind.

Which brings me to my fanfilm. When I finish the first scene I'm going to post it here to get some feedback. I'm sure a few people who read this watch the show. I know one of you who does. I'm excited about it even thought I have nowhere near as many resources as I need. Namely: actors who would be good representations of their characters. I have a Quinn in mind, and Jason or I could be Trent. I might be bringing Tom back (maybe to date Quinn...) and I need a Brittany and Kevin. And of course I need a good Daria.

I also realized why Ubuntu won't boot. My USB hard drive was causing a problem, I unplugged it, and everything works great now. I'm going to try to get things as close to the way they were as possible, down to every little detail in the theme. I think I lost my XMMS skin though. I probably deleted it when I decided not to use XMMS because it kind of sucks, but I found a great replacement app. I could always just plop one of my Winamp skins on it, but I really like my old skin.

And, oh yeah, I feel better now.

Raindrops Keep Falling In My Window

I don't know why I gave my blog the URL that I did. I haven't run Slackware in years, and I could never do it very well. I should have called ubuntugeek.blogspot.com. Oh. Nevermind that then. How about coffeegeek.blogspot.com? July 1, 2003? WTF? Delete your account and let your URL go. I guess I could have always taken windowsgeek.blogspot.com, but there's something just not right about that.

There's a carnival going on in my town right now called Maratime Days. I forgot about it until the fireworks show distracted me from building a house in The Sims 2. That's weird because I was going to walk by there today and I was a couple times within viewing (and hearing) distance, but I didn't pay any attention. I did go in my front yard and watch the show in the rain. The whole time I thought about Jason and how we should have been together. But I think he's probably at work right now.

Our gutters are clogged right above my window. Not only does water rush over the edge, directly into my window, but it makes this really irritating sound as well. It keeps me up some nights. I really need to clean them out before it rains again, but I'll probably forget. We don't have a ladder either. I did however cut Julie's lawn today. Heidi was home, but I didn't go in and talk to her for two reasons: 1) I didn't want her to ask why I was 2 days late and 2) I didn't really have anything to say.

I wrote a moderately good teaser for my fanfilm today. It's not that great and it's way too short, but there's a bigger problem on the horizon. The original show didn't have a teaser, so I'll have to move it up a little bit and turn it into a scene instead. Okay, I have to retype 2 lines in the scene header. That's all. Oh, and I have to find a reason for them to be poor, but I think I mentioned that before.

In case you didn't notice, I don't really have much to say about anything. Nothing interesting has happened in my life for a while. I hung out at Oakland University while Jason was in a meeting. That place is a lot bigger than I thought it would be and it has a pretty nice campus (at least the part I saw). Stephanie called me today and all I said was hi. I realy didn't have anything to say and now I feel bad for not saying anything.

What Have I Done?

I haven't blogged in a few days because I feel horrible. I did something extremely stupid last Thursday, which I'll regret for the rest of my life. I came out to my mom. Don't ask me why. I guess I just got tired of pretending I'm something I'm not, and I though it would give me someone to talk to when there's no one else. Boy, was I wrong.

Today I found out that she's not going to church anymore. Guess why. Ever since I told her I've felt absolutely horrible. And I feel really strange just being around. She's still occasionally making comments (in front of my dad). Somehow I feel like I've ruined her life or something. I don't know exactly how I feel. I just know I want to get out of this house more than ever. I need a job and I need to move.

That's another thing that's getting me down. All of my friends have jobs, some of them even have two. A lot of my friends are out on their own, moving on with their lives. Stephanie is going to attend Tennessee University, which is really cool and a great opportunity, but it means she won't be coming back to Michigan for a while. Jason, of course is going to New York for a few weeks, which is also a really good opportunity, and I'm really glad for him, but I'm terrified of being alone.

In other news I finally got GAIM to work on my computer. I was going to show my mom how to use Yahoo! Messenger and the software didn't work. But the good news is that I got it to work (along with my AIM account) using my existing Yahoo user account under AIM. I don't know why I'm so excited about this. I just needed something to get all worked up about in a good way.

I haven't done anything constructive for about a week. I need to finish working on that short that I started so long ago. I need to write something new to make. I need to do something. I gave up on the podcast yet again, and I can't think of a single thing I actually want to do. I just know that I need to do something because I feel so lazy and worthless right now.

From Highland to Lawndale to This?

Today I was scolded for not being an asshole. My parents dragged me to my uncle's house and they were making fun of Mexicans. I didn't join in because I thought it was a stupid conversation that shouldn't have been taking place to begin with. My mom must have been embarrassed because she defended my silence by saying "Oh, he's just at that tender age where he's not prejudice." That really pissed me off because first, she's in no position to tell anyone a godamn thing about me, and second I don't go around hating people because it's the cool thing to do.

I take that back. I hate Christians. They're all the same. They preach about love and then participate in every form of discrimination there is. They're mean, vindictive, back stabbing, and horribly boring. They try to convert people to their ways all the time, even against their will. They have all these bizarre rules they all claim to live by even though most Christians ignore them anyway.

For a few days I've been wanting to write a parody of one of the best television shows ever: Daria. But I didn't really know what I wanted to write about and I don't have access to any school facilities, so then I had an even better idea. While I was looking at some fanfiction I though how great it'd be to make a fanfilm instead. So I decided that would be my next big project.

The show is going to take place after the official series ends and after Daria graduates from college. Daria and Jane are going to room in a small house (because that's what I have access to) in yet another crappy town when Quinn (gasp!) gets kicked out of her house and is forced to bunk with them. It'll be a lot more exciting than it sounds. I'm going to try to involve as many of the characters as I can, but it is a completely new town, so they might not all be there.

Other than that I've been feeling really lousy the last few days. I was better yesterday, but today I'm starting to feel...resentment. I keep remembering all these fights my parents had. Most of the fights were about me and how they don't want to do this or that. I've also remembered many occasions where either one of them would attempt to buy my love with their cheap crap. I just get the feeling that I was never really wanted and it's starting to get to me.

Lately I've really felt like a failure. Not as a filmmaker, although that has a lot to do with it, but as a human being. I'm 20 and I'm in the exact situation that I told myself I'd never be in. I rely on two people who hate me and who I hate for everything I have. I'm also more socially confused than I have been in a long time. I just don't know what I want. And on top of that, all my friends have bigger problems than I do, so I can't really talk to anyone.

I've been talking to a lot of people who have had employment problems, but they all solved them. Either by moving, or just waiting until they finally did get a job, they all got jobs. I'm the only one of my friends who is still unemployed. To know how that makes me feel you'd have to know exactly how big of losers a lot of my friends are. It's not their fault though. I don't have the personality to hold the kind of job I'm qualified for. I guess it's my fault.

The other night I remembered that when I was a kid my parents would argue over who had to spend time with me. I don't remember exactly why I remembered this, I just know that it made me feel even worse than I already did. It's not exactly a good feeling to know that the people you're supposed to be able to count on for anything would rather you not be there. It would have been so much better if they just both ignored me because then I'd have nothing to complain about right now.

I also have reason to believe that I'm a very unprofessional filmmaker. I was talking recently to someone (I'm sorry for this) about a project he wanted to do. We were talking about cameras and he said it was too unprofessional to shoot high-def digital on a $15,000 camera. I shoot standard definition, compressed video on a $500 (current price) consumer grade camera with no extra equipment, other than my tripod. I also couldn't get people to do what I, as a director, asked and people even laughed at me. The same person also told me I was very professional and I don't know what to think anymore.

I have so much more to say, I just can't say anything because I don't know how. There is just so much crap going on right now that I don't know where to begin or even what to write about. So I'm going to just wait for another day when I actually feel like going into it or something.

A News Update

Remember how I said my mom made me drink at the reception? Well now she's mad because I didn't want to. I just got lectured for not being an alcoholic. How many people can say that? If I would have just gotten drunk without her knowing she would have been pissed, but apparently I have to drink whenever she's around.

Note that I wouldn't be complaining at all if I wasn't a recovering alcoholic.

What's My Serial Now?

Sony finally got back to me after I contacted them yesterday. It turns out the it was in fact the CCD chip that was the problem. The good news is that it's a well known problem with this type of camera and that Sony will fix it for free. That means I don't have to go to Best Buy or anything. I just have to send it in. I do forsee a problem arising though.

When I first got my camera I removed all those little stickers that came on it. Apparently that was a mistake because the serial number was on one of them. Now I could be wrong but I thought the point of a serial number was to give a piece of hardware a unique identifying mark. One that can't be removed. What if I send it to them and they get mad because I removed the sticker and they refuse to send it back. Then I'll be really screwed.

But there is an upside. I have been wanting to look into photography for a while. With my (mom's) new digital camera I can do that. But I'm not sure where to start. Do I just go outside and start snapping shots? Or is there some method to it? Maybe I'll make a photography blog. Look forward to that if you're interested. Also, if you're looking for a good digital camera, the Canon Powershot A430 is a great choice. And if you feel that you really need that extra millions pixels, try the A530.

But right now I'm going to finish listening to TWIT, do my laundry, put on some better clothes, and go for a nice long walk. Enjoy your day everyone.

Sony Can Kiss My Ass

As many of you know my Sony MiniDVD Handycam stopped functioning recently. I played around with it Friday evening and everything seemed alright, but Saturday morning when I was supposed to be filming my cousin's wedding that wasn't the case. It no longer picks up a video image, only audio. And before you ask, yes I removed the lenscap, yes the exposure was all the way up, and no it wasn't a low light situation. It just stopped working. I think it's probably the CCD chip, but I'm no expert. I contacted Sony's customer service a few hours ago and I'm waiting for a response.

Other than that, nothing is happening in my life. The reception was a disaster for me. My mom forced me to drink cheap beer so her family wouldn't think I'm a pansy. Apparently being white trash is way better than being gay. Also she insinuated that I like anal sex. Fortunately that wasn't in front of her family. I got slightly drunk but not enough to really enjoy it.

I think I'll work on something for youtube today. Oh yeah, I can't. I probably wouldn't have anyway. I've had every opportunity to do something but I never get around to it. That's just me. Like the movie. I haven't worked on it in a few days and I don't know why. I'm also thinking of starting a blog just about filmmaking to go alongside my personal blog. But I don't know if that'll work because so much of my personal life is filmmaking. I got another book the other day. I don't know if I mentioned it yet but it's about screenwiring.

On a more positive note, I've been watching a lot of Daria lately. In case you don't remember it's a spinoff of Bevis and Buthead that aired on MTV in the early 90's. It's really funny because I can really relate to Daria's personality and how everyone around her is extremely shallow. Ah, good old animated television. Is it weird that all my favorite shows are animated? Daria, The Simpsons, Family Guy, Home Movies, and ATHF. Oh, and of course FLCL, but that's classified as anime, which I've never been a huge fan of.

I'm bored. I want to do something creative, but I don't feel like writing. I don't feel like playing any games either. I helped a lady with her computer today. It took 2 hours to explain how to transfer a picture from her digital camera to her computer and then email it. Argh. It's so frustrating when people don't know what they're doing. And she was trying to 'teach' me how to shop at some online warehouse store because it's oh so difficult. I think I'll cruise around youtube some more and talk to Steph. Hi Steph!

Can't Break What's Broken

Isn't it great when you live with a person who barges in on you while you're about to take a shower and then actually makes you feel guilty for locking the door? I think it is. Especially after spending 3 hours working your ass off because the said person refuses to clean their own godamn kitchen. It's too hot here to walk to the kitchen, but there I was running the vacuum cleaner, because the broom just wasn't good enough. The whole while someone was bitching and whining about nothing at all.

I also have some serious doubts about the movie I'm making. No, it's a short. I have to start calling it a short. Argh. We've already planned a screening and I'm nervous because there are 30 people on the invite list. I know only half (if that) of them will show, but I'm still worried people will get their hopes up. I don't want anyone to be disappointed and lose faith in me. I don't even know why they have faith to begin with.

I've also been having trouble finding out how to clean up the audio. As we know, my mic sucks. And I'm trying to make it visually interesting, but all I have are jump cuts. What was I thinking? Also, I need to get some establishing shots. That won't take long, but I really need to do it. I still have to figure out the best way to burn it, and I only have 1 DVD, so I'll have to get it right the first time. It's gotten to the point where I'm physically sick just thinking about the finished product. And the screening is still more than a month away.

I'm also not sure how to do the commentary, but that has to come after the screening because if the actors all watch it to do the commentary then it won't be new to them at the screening and they won't come. Marie already can't make it because she's in school in Arizona and all. I have to throw a bunch of outtakes together too, but that won't take long at all. My junk bin already has a ton of stuff in it.

But today hasn't been all bad. I did think of a quick little video project I can do tomorrow, so if I don't post anything by midnight you can all yell at me.

Rich Says: Chill Out Everyone

After watching the Simpsons for a couple hours, eating a sandwich (onions and cheese, yum) I feel a lot better. I don't know why I always do this to myself. I've just been trying to do so many things recently and I haven't ended up doing anything. Like that side project I'm considering doing. I've had every chance to do it, but I just don't.

The truth is, I'm afraid. But I don't know of what. Yes I do. I'm afraid of people knowing who I am. I'm afraid of letting people get too close. The only reason I feel comfortable enough to write in this blog is because I'm pretty sure only 2 people read it. I'm not complaining. That's the way I like it.

But Youtube works drastically different. The system is designed to get the content out there. It forces new videos on people, and I don't know if I want that. Do I really want to talk to the 12 million whatever people watch Youtube everyday? No. Well, yes. Maybe. I'm confused.

I don't know what I want. I think the idea of my family getting a hold of something of mine has been scaring me away. I'm already worried about my two cousins that are my friends on Myspace. I don't want either of my parents to see anything either. That's why I like this blog. My name's not attached to it. Yes, it has my picture off to the side, but you can't search using a picture...yet. I'm terrified of my friends getting closer to me only to disassociate themselves with me later.

But at the same time I need this. I want the social interaction. Look at all my personal links. It was my idea to join Myspace, Flickr, Youtube, and DeviantArt. It was my idea to start this blog. I want to communicate with people. I'm just not sure who. I hate having to keep things from people, but right now I need to do it and it's tearing me apart inside.

You have no idea how confused I am right now. Not even about being gay. That's not an issue anymore. It's being afraid to talk to people because they might find out and tell my parents. People keep telling me I need to tell everyone, but you don't know the situation. Are you gay 20 year old men with an entire extended family consisting of bigots and assholes? Wow, I never knew we had so much in common.

I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. I'm just frustrated with myself at the moment. I was really looking forward to seeing Jason because he always makes me feel better, so I allowed myself to get worked up just enough to still be in control. But Jason's sick so he's at home in bed. I'm not complaining and I'm not mad. I hope Jason gets over his food poisoning (it sounds like the Flu to me). I really hope he feels better soon.

Also, people have been taking my blog way too seriously. I'm not trying to make anyone mad or feel guilty or anything like that. Relax. If you do something that offends me, pisses me off, or hurts my feelings, I'll let you know personally. So quit reading so much into everything I say. Please? Or else I'm going to have to start another blog or something, but what kind of weirdo would do that? (I don't think you're weird "Mrs. W" I just don't want to have to do that.

Does any of this make any sense? I'm so tired right now, but I'm too strung out to sleep. I think I'll cruise around Youtube for a little bit.

One Month to Go

I'm having a screening of our movie at Stephanie's house. It was half way her idea to have it there, so now I don't have to ask Joe and Mike, which I was dreading. We might even have some wood for a bonfire. That'll be cool. I might even have a celebratory drink, I'm just not sure. I'd be more excited about his if I was having a better day.

I take that back. I had a GREAT day until just a few seconds ago. I really hate that bitch I live with. But we all know that already. I misaligned my door more than it already was today by slamming it. That was awesome.

I was also going to make a video blog entry despite not wanting to, but I couldn't think of anything to say and it was too hot and I just got fed up. I did do some major editing of the movie today and have been thinking about some bonus features. I don't really feel like doing anything now though. Maybe in the morning?

I Need a Mac

I was going to try something new on my blog today, but I've been talking to a few people about it and they didn't exactly react warmly. You've all heard me go on about how I want to make a podcast and I thought a videoblog would be sort of cool until I decided what I want to podcast about and if I want to continue doing video. I also wanted to make a show and stick it on Youtube. It would be sort of like I used to do when I would borrow Mrs. Coverdill's camcorder. I thought it would have been fun and it would have given me something to do.

It didn't work. It took me 40 minutes to film 4 minutes of decent video because I'm retarded and can't do anything right. Then it took me 3 hours of trying to get my damn camera to work with my HP. I reinstalled the software and driver so many times it's not funny. Finally I hooked my camera up to my 300 Mhz PC and it took forever to transfer the 4 minute clip. Then I had to stick it on my external hard drive, which also took forever, and then copy it to my other computer. I was going to use Vegas to edit it, but the program is slow as Hell, so I used Windows Movie Maker and it still took 20 minutes to crop 3 seconds off the beginning and end of the footage. And after all that I can't get a decent looking video out of it.

Did I mention I hate my camera? Don't get me wrong, it's a nice piece of hardware. I hate how it won't interface directly with my video apps. I hate how I need to use Pixela ImageMixer. I hate how even though it records in "video mode" the disc won't play back on any of my devices. I hate how I can't just stick the disc in the DVD drive and download the raw data.

I also hate every one of my computers. I don't know what's going on, but recently I've been losing touch with them. I can never get anything to work anymore and I don't know why. If it was just Linux I was having problems with I'd understand. But Windows 2000 on this computer keeps dragging ass all the time, especially when people come over and open a bunch of shit that doesn't need to be open and then complain about how slow it is. And the family computer, which I get almost no time on, hardly does anything anymore. I can't get my camcorder's software to work even thought I haven't changed a single thing since the last time I uploaded video from it. I guess it's just time to reinstall Windows.

This just seems like a lot of effort to put into something that people are going to think is stupid. Unoriginal is also a word that pops up a lot. Just because a million people post video on Youtube means that if I do it it's all of a sudden unoriginal. I'm sorry I can't afford a fancy host that doesn't have such a horrible stigma. No matter what I do I can't get it right anyway, so why bother? I don't want to put this much energy into something if people are going to think it's stupid and unoriginal. So I'm not.